“The best way to find out if you can trust someone is to trust them” said Ernest Hemingway. He was a smart man. Do you know who else is a smart man? My father. I can not recall what age my father taught me these words, nor can I recall in what context he was referring to them in. But I do remember him sharing these words with me. They have stuck with me for as long as I can remember. I have had many conversations with people about this way of living. I guess it is not very popular. People tend to live on the spectrum where they have to gain someone’s trust first. That is not a concept I can grasp. I don’t know if I ever will. I get it; and I feel like I understand why someone would live that way, but it is foreign to me. I want to see the good in everyone.
You can think of “trust” being like bricks within a wall. There are people that have a wall built around them and it is hard to get over that barrier. They have that wall so they don’t get hurt. If you make it over the wall you have gained their trust and it feels amazing to be let into their world. I know this as I have climbed many walls!
I have some walls built around me too, but mine are built differently. My walls are built if trust is broken with someone. My walls are not neatly built from the beginning. My walls are built through falling tears, fumbling hands and with distorted images of the people I thought I knew replaying in my head. It is not easy to build a solid wall with blurred vision, unsteady hands and limited focus.
I want my world to be beautifully constructed with large open doorways where a steady stream of my lifelines can flow from room to room. Thankfully, the lifelines I have help build me up when I have fallen. They help straighten out the walls I have attempted to build and help direct me to safer and brighter rooms. Those rooms are ok to be in. Intuition and forgiveness will invite me out when the time is right.