I have learned a lot about the word “expectations” being a part of a management team. I know what my expectations are. I know what my boss’ expectations are. I strive to meet his expectations as well as demonstrate what my expectations are to the staff I work with. Working with staff I realize not everyone understands my expectations even though I feel like I describe them well.
I have opened up my eyes and found that this can come with any relationship a person has with another living being.
I have always been a Type A person, setting the bar high for myself and wanting to follow the rules. Just ask my parents! I am not saying I never did anything wrong, but I sure felt bad if I did something that didn’t meet my parents expectations- and they were easy going.
God has blessed me with a husband and two daughters. Three people I live with everyday. Three people I live extremely close with. That is a whole lot of opportunity for failure, ha ha! (Joking- kind of). I have been called a mean mom a few too many times lately by my kindergartener, it’s too bad she expects to not have any rules. Hello!?! Being a spouse, my husband has never said “you failed me today or you didn’t meet my expectations” but I know it’s happened! It’s not a good feeling, but it comes with the territory. My preschooler says it in a different way…enter my little munchkin throwing herself at my feet whining. Mom failure 6,489…and counting.
As I sat in therapy last week working through a recent scenario of expectations not being met, by me, and by another person, my therapist said the words “maybe you need to change your expectations”.
**light bulb goes on**
**tears fill my eyes**
**a-ha moment**
I have essentially seen two therapists before this one. And it was the biggest moment I have had. This is why I am paying someone to help me sift through my self diagnosed anxiety. “Wow” I said out loud, “I don’t need to lower my expectations of anyone else, including myself, but I need to change them.”
It’s been almost a week since I saw her and each day I meditate on this concept. If I have found myself in a trying situation I asked myself if my expectations are clear, asked myself if I need to explain them again or do I need to simply change them?
Who knew a word could be so life altering?
I could relate with what you’ve written here! I often have high expectations for myself, and sometimes also for others. Love the aha-moment you shared. I agree, sometimes changing our expectations can make the difference between wallowing in a heartache, and making the best out of a situation.
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It’s very hard to change though. A week in, I feel lighter on my feet, less pressure on my shoulders! If you have suggestions on how to maintain this mentality, please share!
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I think regular practice on being aware of *how* we’re thinking (not just what we’re thinking) helps build the habit so we’re less likely to succumb to destructive automatic thoughts.
I would suggest doing a regular activity that’ll force you to be aware of your expectations and how you’re thinking about those– for example, by writing at least once a week about your expectations, or using other related writing prompts. This is a similar principle as used by people who want to practice more gratitude in their lives, they use a gratitude journal and respond to prompts in it every day. The next thing they know, gratitude becomes second nature to them once they’ve practice enough. 🙂
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