Ugly

It’s an ugly week. Let’s face it, I thought it was Friday everyday last week- literally- and now this week is making me want to cry everyday! I can’t put a finger on it. Perhaps it is daylight savings laughing at me.

Yesterday my 5 year old, almost 6, asked if I was having a bad hair day. Check! I was. I didn’t say anything to her about how this was not a nice question to ask, I just asked why, she said my hair looked a little funny. I tried to curl it, didn’t have time to fix the disaster and it was what it was. Indeed, it was a bad hair day. My 4 year old said to me last night “you are ugly tonight”. Hmmm….thanks sweetie. We had an excellent night. Good dinner, positive communication around the dinner table, we played Guess Who and an educational game without either child murdering the other one. I just had to say to Miss Em, that hurts mommy’s feelings. No tears, just moved on to my workout after they went to bed and felt nothing about the day, besides, thank goodness it was done with.

Today, my oldest proceeded to yell at me at full force on the way to school, she then again did the same after she came home from gymnastics- really there was no reason, just her pure sassy attitude showing up. To sum it up, she threw herself into a physical and emotional fit as I carried her to bed and told her it was enough. Tears, uncontrolled tears came from my eyes after she continued to yell at top notch for the next 10 minutes about me not being nice (again, I had just walked in the door, she didn’t want to eat her peanut butter sandwich, which I guess she hates now, she literally just started to yell at me).

It is not a full moon, what gives? I question why I am sharing this. Well, because life is not perfect. I pray for her and for me. She is my mini me in so many ways, she wrestles with anxiety and worry, I see it already. I didn’t see this in me until I was in my adulthood. I don’t know how to manage this with her. I have a lot to learn. I just want me Sweet Stella back.

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