Ebb & Flow

**please bear with me as I write this long post. I have been away from blogging for a short time and I feel like I have a lot to say about the ups and down that come and go, here are some prime examples**

It is so weird how life ebbs and flows. It is like the ocean tide; flowing in and out. Watching the tide is mesmerizing and therapeutic to me. Why then, when life flows in and out, does it throw me off?

I have found it difficult to focus the last couple of weeks. I did all I could to continue with the things that made me happy the last two months- blogging, exercising and reading positive words of encouragement. Slowly the blogging stopped, the reading came to a halt but I did manage to complete the 8 weeks of the Pretty Fierce Workout that I was so dedicated to. *pat on my back, smile*

I had last weekend to myself in my own home to refocus and regroup. I had great intentions for the weekend. Weekends like this do not happen often. This was my third weekend home alone in 6 years. It was going to be equal time of cleaning and organizing sans kids and then doing the true things that make me happy- blogging over cups of coffee, running by Lake Bemidji, rendering my She Shed drawings and reading happy words of encouragement.

I spent Friday night walking quietly through Target and then went home to cry over a chick flick, both things that felt good.

I began Saturday with a plan to clean for a while, work out, and run into town. The cleaning felt so good- it was a deep clean of the kitchen that left me in a sweat. So, I went with my heart and kept cleaning and decided against the work out. *win for going with the flow* Eventually I made into town, ahem, to Target, again, ahem, day four in a row. This time it was for a few things the house needed. I stopped by KD Floral in Bemidji for some much needed house plants. See, we have this planter near our stairs that has never been occupied by anything but randomness. At times it houses our keys, at times it holds things that are meant to be taken downstairs, but really, it was now the home for any toys that our kids decided to put there. KD Floral was so good to me and helped me select a few plants that would do well in the space. I met a friend for lunch at The Cabin and accidentally locked my keys in the car. *sad face* After I tried to think of how I was going to get into my locked house to get the spare car key, I saw a college kid and his dad moving out of an apartment. It dawned on me, I left my car windows open a crack for my new plants, maybe these lovely people would have a wire hanger for me to use. I felt like a criminal trying to get into my own car, but with a few tweaks and a few prayers, I was able to grab onto my keys and open up the car. **win for me, gosh I was on a role** Lunch was grand. It is always great fun to get caught up with a friend I rarely see. She was one of the first friends I had upon moving to Bemidji. I don’t know if she realizes the impact she had on my mental and social well being when I met her. I headed back home to plant my plants. All of a sudden my neighbor pulled up to see if I was missing a dog or knew of the person the dog belonged to in the back of his car. A beautiful black lab curled up in the back seat. I didn’t know, but felt so bad for this grey haired pup. I told the neighbor that if he needed help housing her for the weekend that I was free to help. Less than an hour later the doorbell rang. Guess who was the proud “owner” of a dog for the weekend? Ebb and flow, ebb and flow I chanted in my mind as I thought of how much my plans all of a sudden changed. She was a quiet companion of mine. I made her some food, called a few people to see if anyone had reported a missing dog and put her smiling face on Facebook in hopes to find her owner. She had to have been missed. This well behaving sweetie was stealing my heart already. I had to have a talk with myself to not get attached. My “fun” things were not getting completed, but maybe this was God’s way of saying to me, slow down Kirsten. I moved her up to the porch and cuddled up next to her for the night. I put in This Is Us, Season One, and binged watched a few episodes.

Sunday morning came and I was due to be a Greeter at church. I got the pup hooked up on the rope outside and quickly ran to town. I made it to church and then ran to Target- again. Dog food, toys and a leash made it into the cart. Large poster paper to hang up all over the neighborhood was purchased too.

Together, the pup and I drove around and hung up signs. I just couldn’t believe this baby was missing from someone’s life. The house got cleaned as she relaxed outside, I gave the pup a bath and cuddled up as we waited for T and the girls to arrive home from their weekend away. The girls thought she was great. We took her for a walk and then we brought her to the porch again. She and I slept together one last night. The love and peace in her eyes was beyond a feeling I can explain. She brought a sense of calm to me.

I won’t ramble too much about Monday. Long story short, we ended up finding this dog’s home. She had a chip and we were able to confirm where she came from. She is 12 years old, newly relocated to a home with one of her owners and became anxious with this move, hence the reason her for walking away from home. One of her owners is trying to find a way to make her less anxious. I have to have faith in God that a remedy will be found and she will find the calm she used to have; the calm that she showcased with me for the weekend. It was hard on my heart and my soul to leave her. There is a special place in my heart for the pups that come into my life. Maggie, Rookie, Ajax, Izze and now Daya…ok, I have to mention Lacy, Roxie and Logan too…see these pups are basically humans to me.

Life works in magical ways. Sometimes we see the magic and sometimes it left unknown. I will continue to flow as the ocean does. In and out. Sometimes there are some wicked waves we have to ride out. If we hang on tight, the calm will surface again.

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