A couple of months ago while I was reading my Happiness Project book and the Girl, Wash Your Face book I was reminded and challenged to act like a kid and have some more fun. I almost didn’t go out onto the boat with my family and friend who was visiting. Ugh, I reminded myself, go, you will have fun. “Take your book” my hubby said, “you can sit, relax and read”. Yeah right, I thought. My kids are not great swimmers, being on the boat makes me a nervous Nelly, even with their life jackets on. I went. And guess what? I had fun! Stella even said “you are just like a kid today mom”! I was genuinely relaxed and having fun. I swam around and around without a life jacket. Enough to count it as exercise I supposed. And I had a smile on my face the whole time. Practice. Life takes practice. Having fun should not take practice, but relaxing and genuinely having fun does for me. Here is to more practice! It was well worth it! I was happy. Hubby was thankful I went out. The kids loved it.
I will soon be adding this to my list of books I have read in 2018. I am half ways done and feel I need to add this as one of my Friday Favorites. I picked his book up a couple of months ago and just started to read it a week ago. In the introduction of The Magic of Motherhood Ashlee Gadd says “this is the book I wish I had received as a new mother”. I agree 100%. I am not certain I will have a lot of friends become first time moms from here on out. If I do though, this will be the gift I present to them. I have laughed, I have cried, I have said “oh my goodness, me too”. After having both children breakdown tonight by 6:45, I felt exhausted and like I have failed at raising well behaved kids. Now, I know better. They are well behaved kids. I have not failed. They were the ones exhausted. This book makes me feel human. It makes me feel like there is magic in this world of being a mom.
We celebrated Stella’s 6th birthday yesterday, and my 36th. Yes, we get to celebrate our birthdays together. We spent the morning putting together her new LEGO set. It is rewarding for me to watch her brain work and follow the directions. We make them per the directions once or twice and then I get to see her imaginative side take over and create something of her own. While the girls went down for an early nap T accompanied me to Barnes & Noble. He is not a shopper nor is he much of a reader of books. He researches and reads things online, but it was out of his norm to tag along with me. I found two books on sale, sales are not my norm so this alone was a happy moment, and then I bought a new journal. A journal that gives writing direction as opposed to a blank one. Once the girls woke up we attended a family wedding reception. Another joy to see T’s cousin’s kids run around and play together. It was a long day for a new six year old. She lit up whenever someone found out it was her birthday. Great Aunts chatter her up and her animated stories flew. I went to tuck her into bed last night and she burst into tears. She does this when she leaves people that she gets to have around, family and friends, babysitters and teachers. She clung onto my arm and didn’t want me to leave. Tears came to my eyes. Six years ago she was having a hard time presenting herself to the world, clinging to my insides, this night, she clung to me just a little differently. My cup runneth over. I took my glasses off and laid down beside her careful not to let her hear the happy sobs wanting to burst inside of me. Within two minutes she was in a deep sleep. I escaped from her room and twenty minutes later I was in a deep sleep of my own.
Our star, our Stella, emerged out of her shell this year. She is my Gemini, my mini-me, my twin. I love her to pieces. She is observant, kind, creative and artistic, a reader, a helper. We are blessed with her voice. Happy Birthday sweet Stella!
This time six years ago I was having lunch by myself at Applebee’s. I had just left my final doctor appointment with T before Stella arrived. She was a week overdue. That morning the doctor explained they wanted me back at the hospital later that afternoon. They would do something to see if the baby would come on it’s own, if nothing happened overnight they would induce me the next day, June 9th, my 30th birthday. What a bunch of emotions I was having as I sat there by myself. T had to go back to work to wrap things up as it was year end. It was the spring where it was hotter than normal, this made me extra uncomfortable. I was ready to have a baby, we didn’t know if it would be a Stella or an Everette. We were excited to find out, but things were about to change.
That evening we ate licorice, played cribbage and watched the Twins as nurses came and went. I hardly slept. Too excited and nervous. All I remember of the day, my 30th birthday, was showering up, the uncomfortable epidural, and then rolling from side to side. I really don’t remember the contractions, I feel like I was in a fog all day. I do remember just wondering when “it was going to happen”. As we were nearing the end of the night, I remember the nurse saying I had finally dilated enough to get excited…and then they checked again and they realized they were wrong. I distinctly recall the disappointment. I then got sick to my stomach and pretty much ended up in the operating room for a c-section. One of the nurses had really cool shoes on and for some reason I remembered this, even to the point where I recalled her when she came into the clinic where I worked months later. Leave it to me to remember something like that. *smile* They told me it was a girl, she finally arrived and appeared to be healthy. T got to go be with her. I went to recover and felt like I passed out. My birth story was not how I visioned it to be. I don’t know if many are. I didn’t have a birth plan per say, but I wished for the baby to come without being induced, and knew from my research that I would try for no epidural unless I was induced. Ideally, I just wanted us all to be healthy and have God surround us and our medical staff. Recovery was a little longer than expected, a few extra days in the hospital to make sure I was healthy and strong enough to go home. Here we are. Healthy, happy and blessed.